Examples of judgment (19)

  Date:July 19, 1948

Testimony by sister D. Y.

  I was born into a Christian family. My father loved the Lord. In 1932 I was married, and that winter I took hospitality with a friend who talked to me about the Lord many times. I argued with her often, yet I realized that many believers have a change in their living. Later I was touched by Brother Witness Lee when he preached on grace and truth, and I believed in the Lord. I testified to my family and took them to the meetings. Formerly I had been zealous for religion and thought that I was quite good. At that time I was still ignorant of the discipline of the Holy Spirit. Yet every time I was somewhat off in my conduct, I would be rebuked and would deal with it. In John 21 the Lord speaks of following Him singleheartedly. My husband was put into prison for political reasons, and I went to visit him in Hankow. The doctor said that he was in the third stage of tuberculosis and was hopeless. I felt it would be a shame if I were to lose my husband at such a young age. When I saw him, I exhorted him to accept the Lord. He nodded and soon after died. On my way home, I wanted to jump off the train and kill myself. But something within reminded me that suicide does not result in salvation. I did not want to go into perdition so I did not jump. After I returned home, the brothers and sisters all came to visit me. Brother Lee also came to visit me, comfort me, and pray for me. One day the Lord told me that it is not a shame for me to remain single, but it is for the purpose of glorifying God. In 1940 Brother Witness Lee sent me a telegram and asked me to go to Shanghai to have fellowship with the brothers and sisters. Later my mother became sick and died. My adopted son also became sick. For a few days I did not eat. I asked the Lord, “Why do You treat me so harshly? My husband and mother have passed away, and now my son is sick. Are You going to take him away too?” The Lord told me, “I am a jealous God.” I realized that the Lord is better than everything. Peace came to my heart. I was able to eat again, and soon my child became well. Later I returned to Chefoo from Shanghai and became seriously sick. I had bronchitis, my stomach was not good, and my mental state was unstable. Through prayer I gradually recovered. I am willing to hand over myself to live in the Body. Brother Lee said, “You know that you cannot make it, but the Body can make it. What the Body has inherited is what you have inherited.” This word comforted me. I am willing to pay the price, but I do not know how. I do not know what I should do. I hope that our brother will give me a word of guidance.

Brother Nee’s comment

  Whether or not a ministry is high and adequate depends not only on the kind of light it renders but on whether the light is strong enough. Light has to be so strong that it burns and scorches a person and puts a halt to his work. Ministry does not mean that a man hears the word first and then reacts to the word after some time. As soon as the word comes, a man should react. Under normal circumstances, a man is broken as soon as light comes.

  As far as our sister’s condition is concerned, we can say that God has done some breaking work in her. However, I am not saying that the breaking is complete. Her past experiences show us that she has followed the Lord indeed, and the Lord has used her indeed. Yet she has to follow the Lord more absolutely and thoroughly before she can be of better use to Him. Her experiences with her husband’s and mother’s deaths, her son’s sickness, her uncle’s and aunt’s treatment, and the political turmoil she has gone through all speak of one thing — that God’s hand has been clearly behind her environment. God did these things to increase her usefulness.

  I feel that there is a famine in the knowledge of God in all the local churches. Every brother and sister should increase his or her usefulness. When some become sick, they become broken vessels in the Potter’s hand. Our sister must continue to humble herself under the mighty hand of God so that she can learn more. Peter spoke too quickly. But our sister needs a quickness like Peter’s. We should humble ourselves more under the mighty hand of God. We should allow His smiting to increase. We should give God the total freedom to chastise us. Only those who have learned much can dispense much. If we are totally crushed by the Lord, we will bear fruit. God desires to see a harvest of the work that He has done in us. Some harvests brings thirtyfold, some sixtyfold, and some a hundredfold. Two people can receive the same dealings and sufferings, but the amount of fruit they bear may be different. Let me say an earnest word: A person does not have several husbands to lose, more than one mother to lose, too many children to lose, or too many times to get sick. If our sister has not yielded fruit from these experiences, she has suffered in vain, her husband has died in vain, her mother has died in vain, and her children would have died in vain. With some people, when their husband dies, their spiritual world is gone; they themselves become useless and have no fruit to satisfy God.

  We do not have too many years to waste. In a short time we will find ourselves middle-aged and soon after that an old man. It is a pity that our sister’s past sufferings did not bear enough fruit. It is all right for us to go through just a little experience, but we have to gain much from whatever we go through. Only those who have gained much will have much to give to others. We cannot let the sufferings and the smitings go away easily. Our sister has experienced much. She should have learned much, have gained much, and have much to give to others. Otherwise, she has wasted her time. Some can reap a hundredfold when they sow their seed. If I can only reap thirtyfold, it means that I have suffered a loss. If we are willing to put ourselves in the Lord’s hand and to allow Him to work deeper in us, we will bear abundant fruit. The way to serve God is to allow Him to work deeply in us in all of our experiences. We should not let Him go. This is the only way to have abundant fruit, and this is the only way to meet the need of all the places. Whenever we have an experience, we should allow the Lord to do a thorough work. We do not face political turmoil all the time. We do not experience loss and separation from our family too many times in our life. We have to take advantage of our environment and humble ourselves under the mighty hand of God. We should say to Him, “God, may Your work be thorough in me. I gladly place myself in Your hand.” If we gain a little when we go through one suffering and a little more when we go through another suffering, after ten times or more, we will bear some fruit. If you suffer this way, I can share your tears. You will have fruit; your suffering will not be in vain, and my tears will not be shed in vain. If we can reap such abundant fruit time after time, many will come to know the Lord, and the outward needs will be met. It is most pitiful if we can only reap a little fruit. May the experiences we gain every day not pass away in vain.