Examples of judgment (17)

  Date:July 16, 1948

Testimony by brother K. Y.

  I was born into a God-loving family. My parents loved the Lord very much. At the age of five or six, I had a consciousness of God’s presence. In August of 1928 I was saved. I am an optimistic person. God dealt with me by putting a love for men’s souls within me. When I was in Peking, I encountered some difficulties and hard circumstances, and I sought help from Brother Nee. At that time he was preaching on overcoming. I was constantly in frustration and pain, even to the point of death. Through Brother Nee’s messages, I saw that Christ is my victory. When I looked at myself, I saw nothing but weaknesses, frustrations, and failures. But when I looked to Him, I received joy and peace. Later I moved to another place to work for the Lord, but no one was saved. I suffered for three and a half years. In 1948, the Lord arranged for me to come to Kuling Mountain. During my stay here, I suffer every day. I am buffeted every day. The Lord buffets me through the words of His servant. I cannot stand it. A few times I tried to run away. Sometimes I even wanted to kill myself. I can do nothing about myself. I hate myself. I love Brother Nee because the Lord has indeed spoken to me through him. Although I suffer so much outwardly, inwardly I am full of joy. May the Lord deliver me through His word.

Brother Nee’s comment

  Among all the testimonies that I have heard, no other testimony has used the words joy and suffer as much as yours. It seems that these are two extremes. On the one hand, you are easily touched in your emotion. On the other hand, you are hiding behind your feelings, and it is very difficult to touch you. You are a person who lives completely in your emotion. You are far from what your true self is. This is your biggest problem. You think that you have received some help in your emotion. Actually, you have not received any help at all. The word restriction does not apply to you at all. Your prayers are full of your emotion, and your spirit has never been released. Your emotion is so strong that it is impossible to separate it from your very self. Your prayers are so emotional that they are void of heart and reality. Your testimony was filled with rejoicing and sufferings from beginning to end, yet one did not find the Lord or the church in your testimony. When you feel joyful or painful, your whole being is taken hostage by your emotion. You should separate yourself from your joy and pain; that is, you should separate yourself from your emotion.

  The Christian life has nothing to do with joy or pain. The Christian life should only be in Christ. Whether or not I feel joyful or painful means little. The main thing is whether or not I am in Christ. Only that which is spiritual is real. Your emotion and feelings are illusory. For example, your name is Chow, and my name is Nee. I have never in my life felt that my name is Nee. But whether or not I feel that my name is Nee does not alter the fact that my name is Nee. My name is Nee; this is a fact, not a feeling. How can you confuse your feelings with the facts in the spiritual pathway? It seems as if the Lord is not your Lord, but emotion is your lord. You simply cannot work for the Lord this way. Spiritual facts far transcend feelings. Before the Lord we should consider if our life is one that is in the Lord. You have only seen what you are in your emotion; you have not seen the facts that are true in the Lord. When we say that a man has eternal life by believing in the Lord Jesus, it does not mean that he will feel that he has eternal life. It means that he will have eternal life. This is a spiritual fact. Your whole being is immersed in your emotion, not in Christ. Once you realize that all the feelings in the emotion are false, you will be delivered from your emotion. Suppose I say that I am saved in Christ, yet I feel that I am perishing; this feeling is a lie. If you have any feeling that runs contrary to the facts in Christ, you should declare, “This is a lie.” You have made your emotion your lord. You do not consult the Lord; instead you consult your emotion. This is your problem. You should not be so easily touched. You should praise God in the darkest room, saying, “God, Your throne remains in heaven; it is forever unchanging. Your throne never changes. You are forever trustworthy.” Not only feelings of joy and pain, but all other feelings should be dissolved in the presence of His throne.

  If we have faith within, we will touch the spiritual facts. These facts transcend all feelings. When an airplane is tens of thousands of feet above the earth, one only sees the brightness of the sun. But when one looks up from the earth, he may see nothing but layers and layers of clouds; he may not see the sun at all. He may even see lightning and hear thunder. Our walk is based on spiritual facts. We must forget how we feel. We must live above the doubting clouds, not below them. We must be so objective that everything we do is based on God’s word. Even so-called spiritual feelings are not warranted. Once I could not believe in God’s word. I told Him, “Lord, I am in doubt about everything. I only believe in Your word.” It has been ten years since I said that, and I can still testify that God’s word is faithful. If we build our faith upon God’s word, we will move away from Satan’s battlefield. In nautical studies, there is one kind of calculation called a “dead reckoning.” It means to ignore everything. If you can set aside all your feelings and declare them false, you will be released.

  Your condition is very serious. You have been deceived by your emotion for a long time, to the point that you can now no longer separate yourself from your emotion. When a man walks up a hill, he may feel that he has a temperature of 103 degrees Fahrenheit. But if one measures him with a thermometer, he will find that there is no fever. The hotness is only a superficial feeling; it does not reflect the true condition of the body. From today onward you cannot trust in any of your joyful or painful feelings. Even if heaven falls down on you, God’s word will still stand. No matter how you feel, you have to remember that spiritual facts are the foundation of our Christian life. The facts are facts. If you believe them, you can praise God for them. If you cannot believe them, you should still praise God for them. Spiritual facts are contained in God’s word. All we have to do is believe God’s word. One brother pays attention to nothing but confession of sins. From morning till evening, he does not do any work; the only thing he does is confess. We know that such a one is deceived by Satan. It seems as if he exists for his confession. He confesses for what is true and he confesses for what is not true. I told him once, “Listen to me. From now on do not confess anymore. Just say to the Lord, `Lord, I can be wrong. But I cannot even tell what is right from what is wrong.’ You should not try to differentiate between what is right and what is wrong, because it is not the right time. When the time is right, you can try to distinguish it.” Not long after I said this, our brother was recovered. May the Lord use such incomplete words to deliver you from your problems, that is, from the falsehood in your emotion. May the Lord lead you to trust in His word alone.