Examples of judgment (33)

  Date:August 9, 1948

Testimony by brother M. A.

  At the age of eighteen I called on the name of the Lord and was saved. A pastor told me that if I sinned again, I would be crucifying the Lord again. Because of this I would cry every time I sinned again. My mother thought that I had lost my mind. Someone told me that there is a difference between preaching the Christ of the Bible and the Christ of inward revelation. I did not understand what this meant. Others said that one can feel the Lord’s presence and that if one does not have any feeling at all, he does not have the Lord’s presence. I did not understand that either. I am often sick. But the Lord said that my strength would be as my days. Since that day, I have been sick no longer. From the book Rethinking the Work (The Normal Christian Church Life), I learned that one cannot accept a salary for preaching. I quit the job of a salaried pastor in the denomination. The Lord wanted me to drop everything to follow Him, but my wife did not understand this. One person was a spy. When he saw the love among the brothers and sisters in the church life, he believed in the Lord Jesus. Formerly, he was a Confucianist, and he believed that all men were brothers. After he was saved he knew that this theory could never be put into practice.

Brother Nee’s comment

  Our brother has to pay attention to two things. First, I hope that he will receive a fundamental and thorough dealing while he is on the mountain. Everything in you has to be repeatedly and thoroughly torn down before you can have a way to go on. Although you have experienced some miscellaneous dealings in the past, you do not have much revelation. If our brother experiences a deep and great dealing, he will have a deep and great scar, and he will not be able to climb up again. You need a deep and great dealing because you will climb up again if you suffer only a small dealing, and you will forget about your lesson. But great dealings and great works of God always remain with you and will remind you. You do not have to try to think about them consciously; they will automatically produce fruit. Even if you try to revert back, you can no longer do so, because a wound is upon you. The Lord had scars after He was crucified. Paul had a scar of blindness after he received the light on the way to Damascus. Jacob also had a scar when the hollow of his thigh was touched. All of these men had scars on their bodies. Your mind may forget about the dealing, but the lameness in your thigh will always be a reminder to you. Once God leaves a scar of His work, you will not be able to climb up again. Before you have such an experience, you may repent for your pride, you may weep for the sin of pride, but as soon as temptations come you will become proud again. If God’s work is deep and thorough enough, you will not need to remember to be humble. When God’s work is deep enough, pride will cease in you. Man’s mind can forget, but his scar will not allow him to forget.

  Jacob had a scar of lameness throughout the remainder of his life. This is the reason he worshipped God upon his staff at his deathbed. He did not have to imitate a lame person. He was genuinely lame. If a man pretends to be lame, he will run when a dog comes to bite him. I know a couple who lost their beloved, precious son. When I met them ten years later, it was still difficult for them to smile. They suffered a great shock in the loss of their son. We must go through a fundamental dealing. We must be so wounded that we no longer can recover ourselves. When Paul boasted, others did not feel that he was being arrogant. Instead, they saw a beautiful picture in the man. His “pride” was more humble than the humblest men. Jacob’s most beautiful moment was when he worshipped God upon his staff at his deathbed.

  The second point about our brother is that his spirit and words do not match one another. However, his prayers, both in Shanghai and on the mountain, are very pure; these prayers match his spirit. If you can speak like you pray, matching your words with your spirit, you will be able to serve well in the ministry of the word.