When the Pharisee saw it, he marvelled that He had not first washed before dinner. — Luke 11:28
Some persons are a good deal more careful about manners than morals. Jesus disregarded a conventional custom at the Pharisee’s dinner that day, and the host took the matter very much to heart. If he spoke his criticism in the hearing of Jesus, he gravely violated the law of courtesy. A host must show the greatest regard for the feelings of his guest, and must take no notice of mere violations of etiquette.
The answer the Master gave to the Pharisee’s criticism made it clear that morals are very much more important than manners. He told His host that the Pharisee’s were more careful about outside matters – forms and ceremonials; but meanwhile their inward part was full of extortions and wickedness. It is all right for us to be refined in our manners, to conform to the conventionalities of society, but in showing contempt for those who neglect these niceties of etiquette, we sin against them and grieve the Holy Spirit.